DILATED PUPILS?

Thom Collins wants you to join foursquare!

2010-09-02T16:40:00.001-05:00

Like many intellectuals, he was incapable of saying a simple thing in a simple way

2010-08-28T07:53:00.003-05:00

GLenn Beck is a PRIME example as to WHY it is okay to build a Mosque near ground zero. Having his MESSIAH moment in Washington to and I quote "Take America BACK" rally this weekend.

Both HE and Palin are basically doing the very thing they preached so strongly against with the NYC Mosque saying it is in "bad taste" to build there. However, speaking on the steps of Lincolns memorial which just happens to be one historic day/anniversary as Martin Luther King shared his "I had a dream" speech with us.

Beck claiming he would be just a few steps below that of M.L.K. actual spot. Beck is a Clown literally, check his resume'. But I firmly believe he like every other American has a right to speak or build a Muslim American Mosque near ground zero. The minute we begin picking and choosing which group/community/religions/ etc . are allowed too do???? only brings one word to mind-

SEGREGATION

"Like many intellectuals, he was incapable of saying a simple thing in a simple way."
Marcel Proust

Like many intellectuals, he was incapable of saying a simple thing in a simple way

2010-08-28T07:53:00.001-05:00

SEGREGATION

"Like many intellectuals, he was incapable of saying a simple thing in a simple way."
Marcel Proust

Anxiety ATTACK

2010-08-15T03:10:00.001-05:00

Dentist in 9 hours. She works on weekends….Panic

Anxiety ATTACK

2010-08-15T03:10:00.000-05:00

Dentist in 9 hours. She works on weekends….Panic

WE CAN resume getting married Aug 18th

2010-08-12T15:16:00.000-05:00

Big Brother

2010-08-06T18:55:00.000-05:00

who is watching this year?

My heart belongs to daddy

2010-04-29T17:45:00.001-05:00

I applaud the article

and have always wanted to express it and now can. Out at 16, exposed at 17, found my partner of 26+ years to date. Though he and I have had our share of complications one being our AGE difference. I being 17 and he 33. The fact he also had money made it really tough for us being clocked as "Sugar Daddy" and "Chicken". We gays are always applauded for our thick skin/shields if you will as a defense mechanism growing up but why we turn on one another is beyond me when we all know what it is like to be picked on. We are suppose to be full of pride coming OUT celebrating our new family when in fact we are full of shit. Okay maybe this statement was a bit harsh? The jury can decide.

I have retired from what most would call an ACTIVE gay lifestyle in the year 2000 at 34 years old not by choice but by my AIDS wake up call. Yeah I was the one living HIV positive have no time to be Negative until my number was called. Both my partner and I found ourselves starting the new millennium as two gay men living with AIDS. The fact we had both been to hell and back in our relationship didn't matter anymore, what mattered is we had each other. Having a lover, boyfriend, partner, significant other, husband, whatever you labled it I lived it my entire OUT life. Not once was I known for being single only in a relationship or having a boyfriend. So to hear older men whine about being called daddy is nothing short of amusing. It ranks up there with gay men not wanting to be called GIRL.

When did our beloved community and pride enlist the fuck police? I always knew being unfaithful or caught tricking out was a risk I took if and when I decided too. I subscribed to the I love you but I fuck him club. My partner disagreed with a passion. When I found it worked both ways my feelings were a bit swayed. My point is we had to work it out together but now our relationship was fair game in the community. Having to prove yourself or feel the need to earn trust back from a community which really has no business in your affairs who seems to think it does? What would we queens do without gossip? I am the first to admit being one vicious spilling of the tea queens and know as a youngster from the way I was brought out it was part of the package. I liked it then but hindsight is 20/20 and I don't like it now.

The last 10 years have been really hard but also very reflective on life as a gay man of 43 living with AIDS and caring for a 15 year my senior partner who is quicker to get sicker and has almost loosing him twice this last year alone. I guess my perspective on the whole Daddy topic is why does it matter? Youth is so overrated but yet most of us suckers would give our souls to be young, dumb and full of cum again. WHY? Can we not grow as individuals celebrating our age and own it not trying to fight it or escape it because it is impossible to recapture ones youth and folly. I had plastic surgery at 19! Wanting chiseled features, six pack abs sure, popularity you bet but at what cost?

Living as a narcissistic 24/7 sexual predator, going to the gym, tanning, and doing laundry the Jersey lifestyle is not just unsafe when not played right but pathetic, point blank period. I am living proof. When you put all your eggs in one basket and bet the farm with only your looks you will pay and my dear gorgeous young, tight end friends will pay dearly I assure you. When beauty fades and this is all you gave or put out there what will you become? SEX 24/7, really? Okay I liked to play around now and then and by the grace of God maybe this is why 26 years with this disease later I am still here. How many partners is too many? Do you truly value yourself as a piece of meat to be sucked, fucked, and tossed on to the next? Other than the obvious satisfaction, wouldn't you like to know the persons name for once? Maybe try a relationship on for size instead of looking for SIZE alone? Ask yourself are you really happy with your life be it in or out of a relationship?

A relationship will not fix what you think is missing in your life anymore than fucking endlessly will. Get real and honest with yourself and each other, live by example not just the rule. A favorite quote my drag mother gave me years ago was advice I took and it goes something like this.

"It is far sexier to be wanted than had"

Value and treasure what you have don't give it up so fast. Just like the real girls don't give up your flower only to be left with a stick of thorned wood. OUR community is sexually based and I will debate to the day I die the whole we are guys needing to spread our seed and not made to be monogamous theory the straights tell themselves. Youth, sex, and looks are what drives this culture and I don't see it changing anytime soon. I can't imagine what women have to deal with when those rules apply coupled with not eating to fit in. Figuratively, and Literally speaking.

I tend to think of us now older gay men (30-->is still over the hill last I checked)as the first wife syndrome. When the party goes on without your tired ole ass unable to keep up and when we try too we look ridiculous. I am all for getting with a group of guys and playing at a circuit now and then, but the bar on weekends? seriously grow up.Do you really want to subject yourself to the abuse you once dished out? Taking PRIDE in being called "daddy" is so stupid unless of course you are in some kind of role leather play.

I know you youngsters are reading this thinking you did it why can't we? YOU can that is the point. My hope for writing this soapbox of a comment is maybe as your elder you will know the outcome is not always so pretty. Twirling, drugging, fucking, without a care in the world will eventually catch up and it is anything but liberating. To wake up one day in a pool of pity and self destruction, wondering if is was worth it? I wish I had gotten the memo sooner rather than later when it was beyond my control. I do love my community even with it's flaws I wouldn't trade you guys LBT in for the world. I hope as we grow up in this country we will also mature as a community.

To live as a young gay man today with our human rights finally becoming OUR reality making GAY PRIDE a fight we are now winning instead of loosing. Stonewall, Bath Houses, Disco, Drag, Dance, Diva's, Drugs, Dick, and Disease we ACT ed up and not a minute too soon.

It's a wrap 09

2009-06-10T01:06:00.001-05:00

It's a wrap

The update Countdown

2009-06-10T00:16:00.001-05:00

Hi Thomas Colvin I can't beleive I finally found you. OMG how long has it been since we last saw each other? Halloween 1966 the day you were born. Who would of thought our lives would have turned out this way. I always knew you had it in you, so sorry it was tough getting "OUT" and about but who wants to beat that dead horse again, not I. So GLAD we found each other do keep in touch. Love your Alter Ego Thom Collins

summer 2009

Who ME?

1,000,000 GAYS & LESBIANS ON FACEBOOK! Global

2009-02-07T22:57:00.001-06:00

Thom Collins- represent O.K.L.A.H.O.M.O Sexual, tis me! Were doing fine OKLAHOMa city Okay. I see my Sister Tulsa in da house and love this experiment. Just in case I pull a Kate Winslet I wrote a little something if honored with such a noble duty to represent my Twisted Sisters here on the belt buckle of the bible belt. If not it was just an honor to try and make sense of this observation as to stay on point and not go all Wild Tangent up in here. This is how I see it and I have seen allot.

Picture it Midwest Oklahoma City 1995 just opening a non for profit HIV/AIDS foundation Open Your Heart org. Always one to be a step ahead understanding the power of publicity a close girlfriend signed me up to a then Large but still communal AOL 1.5 giving me the Handle name ThomPoz. Remember the famous "Inter webs" didn't go mainstream until 1998. This is my point and how it all relates to this project on Facebook. If NOT for the GLBT community keeping those memberships/cash flow to AOL servers always UP for a good time at all hours of the day getting served a daily dose of just how friendly the GAYS who by no fault of our own are 1st in line to be condemned/hated on, or beaten but at the same time this then uncharted Internet and Cyberspace began to introduce Netscape or a new app called a search engine like Yahoo all would profit through growth and expansion as to one day be able to chat around the world but someone (Al Gore?) or something had to host it.

So 1995 prior and after AOL kept many a members happy with the somewhat original dose of a very BUSY GLBT Communal Networking of it's time knocking the 976 party lines off their throne before they realized the now Infamous M4M "CHAT ROOMS" were fresh,overloaded, exciting, and new. Just those three years alone AOL saw a spike in memberships and they were not from housewives for scrap booking ideas. Plus it was FREE! Honey we were at the party and as a Veteran of AOL I still have my chats/hosted HIV/AIDS private hosted monthly chat printed on dot.matrix printer. Knowing it impossible to try and compete with the ever changing M4M basic inquiry to years later so very creative M4BiM/Tran under 30 Chat rooms.Turned on and over by the time mainstream America could say Who Where What or -www..dotcoms were just learning the difference between the animal Mouse and the computer mouse and the idea of the Personal computer/Media/Video/Music/Entertainment basically as we now know and love didn't get off so to speak with such excitement invested money into the future of the World Wide Web and Silicon valley .dot Busted. My friends still built my website in 1998 sadly she is still up and gets email to date but archaic html gives a glimpse or a snapshot if you will of what the net was like 10 plus years ago.

If not for it along with being pro active participating in, learning, meeting, enriching my own personal life in so many ways I firmly believe if NOT for our vibrant and colorful GLBT communities feel the way in which WE the People share information via myspace, Friendster, and this Million GLBT experiment on Facebook may have looked very different... do you follow me??? This is just an opinion and is posted to be debated but is Facebook when you step back and as a past AOL volunteer or if you participated back in the mid 90's basically just a more interesting, and fun way to stay in touch through more ways than just text, but video, music, and photos still just ONE BIG CHAT ROOM of the past? What has changed socially today which was not in place 10 years ago. Kids this is progress. Why tell such a long tale because when we finally get all of OUR EQUAL rights and maybe a month of gay history I would love the answer to my theory when someone crunches the numbers allowing history to record the GLBT played a pivotal role in the way WE the People, Network, communicate, play, meet, learn, date, and relate to each other Gay, Straight, Christian, Muslim, Black or White in the 21st century.

JOIN this group and be heard:

Hot Topics: Obama Outlines His Gay Agenda On Whitehouse.gov

2009-01-24T05:52:00.001-06:00

Obama Outlines His Gay Agenda On WhiteHouse.gov

Obama Outlines His Gay Agenda On WhiteHouse.gov

Hot Topics: Obama Outlines His Gay Agenda On WhiteHouse.gov

Shark007.net - Vista Codec Tools

2009-01-24T01:33:00.001-06:00

Shark007.net - Vista Codec Tools

Just When You Think The Pain is Going Away….

2009-01-11T07:01:00.001-06:00

December 28Th will go down as the worst day of my life, far worse than testing HIV positive, far more painful than being picked on, kicked out of my home, and ostracized by my church for my so called "choice" to be gay. Crying sneaks up on you and when you realize all the love,attention, friendship, support, and all that is unconditional this beautiful 2 week old black capped Capuchin we named Rolex was a custodial blessing from my beloved Jesus himself. Just a half year shy of his 13 birthday God called him home and my faith is the ONLY thing which gets me thru this. I can only compare this pain to the loss of your mate or child. If you find my grief misplaced and refer to Rolex as a "PET" I would have to break my Christian tradition and choose NOT to ever correspond with you ever again. Debating Gays going to hell is fun for me but this monkey after all is 98 percent closest DNA/Genes as us humans. He was there just like E.T. was there for Elliot and vice versa. Rolex fought the last two years with an auto immune disease not really verified but similar to Lupus. Then he had allergic reaction 4 years ago to the damn rabies shot they don't need but only if it just about kills them first. His left leg was never the same. Type two diabetes since a baby I could go on but like myself living with AIDS he took care of David and I as we did him and our home is an empty shell, a silent quiet, a realization one will have to eventually face and after this dreadful first two weeks since he passed in my mates arms around this time two weeks ago he was at home and knew he was surrounded with love. I said my goodbyes two weeks ago for I raised him and I knew Rolex was tired and in some ways held on for us and never once would I keep him alive for selfish reasons but 4 days prior he and I in the moonlight coming thru our bedroom laying and looking outside into the dark night was our night. I admit I tend to go the high dramatic route but with tears running down my face looked him in the eyes and like we have seen in movies told him if you need to go, I understand and I will be okay, but if you want to fight I will fight with you. He cooed and like any other time licked my salty tears but once again life imitating art in this case my favorite movie E.T. was he speaking to me through his powerful eyes always in deep thought could hear in my head "COME" and me to him without speaking "Stay" and then kissed his now scabby red and swollen toes trying now not to loose it completely whimpered "OUCH". It was my moment so precious loving, sad, dramatic, knowing it was a matter of time, who knew just 3 days later. He is still in our room since cremated unable to even look at his ashes for we are having a beautiful Glass Globe made by Pet Memories where they use some of his ash, mixed with two colors lit with halogen light from below looking so ethereal. So I along with my partner David try to stay busy and have to watch our health too now. I will end with we love all of our family be it mothers, fathers, grandparents, siblings, and friends. My family all lives out of state and Rolex was like my partner a DAILY part of my EVERYDAY routine. My beloved Nanny died earlier this last year also and since there are no monkey sitters I have never been able to travel or been out of the state since Rolex got to around 3 but 1999 was the day my life stood still. I can't sleep in our bed, cut an apple, shower in my shower, and my partner God bless him use to moan about the mess Rolex could unleash upon this house since he WAS NOT CAGED Raised leaving peanut shells all over, and around New Years Eve we couldn't look at each other for fear of whaling and weeping but with tears coming down David's face he said to me "damn ir I would kill for just one peanut shell to pick up" we cried again hugged and take each day one day at a time. Thank you for supporting and allowing me a chance to share this personal part of my heart with you.

del.icio.us Tags: Rolex,monkeys,monkey,cappuchin,capuchin,primate,death,dying,friend,love,life,pain,depression,"why him"

MODEL DRAMA FAME FACE LIFT INJECTABLE NONSENSE

2008-12-29T07:55:00.001-06:00

Rolex passed away at 8:30am December 28, 2008
in my partners arms after a 2 plus year battle with an
"auto-immune"disease like Lupus. He was 12 nHalf
and if not for my strong faith Jesus took him with no
suffering and the Glory is to God for allowing my family
to be his guardian and he is in the Lords embrace truly
free and in bliss. HE was NEVER a PET but family &
best friend and was never raised in a CAGE being I
am disabled. Sweet dreams my angel

This is the only way to get thru this very tough time in my families life. Rolex was almost 13 years June 17th of next year. Some of you may have seen him as my sidekick over the years but as cliche' as this sounds he is in what only word can express what I am trying to say and that is Bliss or at Peace. He died in my partners arms at 8:30am and he will be surely missed. My baby did not suffer and I am forever grateful to Jesus for taking his tired little body and will meet again.

MODEL DRAMA FAME FACE LIFT INJECTABLE NONSENSE

Please pray for my little friend

2008-12-19T15:18:00.001-06:00

I ask any of you who may see this photo or know about my unconditional love for this little primate named Rolex who I adopted almost 13 years ago next year. He has been very ill and we almost lost him from an auto immune disease possible onset of his type two diabetes. He was on Imuran which worked for humans who have Lupus like my capuchin most likely is fighting. Please pray for him he is getting better but it is the toughest time in my life and this is why I have been M.I.A. Pray for his recovery and for our fami

2008-04-25T10:27:00.001-05:00

Funny cowboy monkey

2008-04-25T10:22:00.001-05:00

taco john starring whiplash the cowboy monkey

2008-04-25T10:21:00.001-05:00

Baby me softly

2008-04-25T10:14:00.001-05:00

1 Thess. 5:16-18

2008-04-16T00:54:00.002-05:00

Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.
Author/Writer: God and The Apostle Paul"